The Ghosting Coach: Why it Hurts & How to Avoid It

Ditch the platitudes and embrace real connection.

Karthik R

Aug 15, 2024

My gym trainer ghosted me.

Sunshine and rainbows to sudden death…..in one day.

This took a while to write.

I started hitting the gym a little over a year ago.

Why I wanted to is a long-ass story which I’d get to in a little while.

So, I went to the gym as a total newbie not knowing shit, asked for a trainer to help me learn the ropes.

Obviously I ended up squandering more than my budget because their sales skills were “that good”.

The jock they paired me up with scared the shit out of me.

I mean talk about a guy over a feet taller than me, looking like a hulkling, ready to squeeze the juice out of my muscles (not that i had any at that point but you get the picture.).

But you know what they say.

The ones who growl the loudest are often the ones with the biggest boobs hearts.

And he did have the biggest one. (yeah snap out of it)

Starting out sucked as much as it usually would but…you know you landed a good teacher if they make it suck less.

So there he was, spotting me during every rep of the shoulder presses, bicep curls and even shrugs. I didn’t even know the last one was possible.

But I gotta give it to him.

Not only did he teach me the right form, the right weights to pick and yada yada yada…he also put me through one hell of a grind.

All while getting me to open up about myself.

I am not a talker. Sometimes I hate talking as much as I have to clean my messy room.

But he made me.

He made me talk about what I books I loved sniffing through, what guys are my type (yeah..) and most importantly,

My pain.

I was fresh out of the psych ward at that time (long story short, was there for depression) and the last thing I wanted to do was talk about it.

Shame and disgust were crippling me.

Thought I was a weak wuss if I showed any sign of having been a patient at such a place.

But I talked.

And I have him to thank. Had.

And that’s what made ghosting hurt like hell.

Shortly before he quit the gym and started freelancing, he asked me if he could coach me online.

Even though I was psyched to no have to talk anymore (phew!), my papa bear was leaving. So sad eyes.

We were even pals like the creepy image down below.

Before you freak out seeing that thing,

Six Days Later…..

Nothing.

He was fine the day before, the day before that in text and….. I couldn’t and still can’t recall any signs of having pissed him off.

All of a sudden…..it was Nothing.

Just the cursor blinking in his chatbox, barely getting me through the day.

Days passed, but my shock didn’t.

Time didn’t heal shit and I still felt terrible.

And feeling terrible was barely the beginning.

The Mirror of Mayhem

Every time I got to the gym, the gut monster started to get louder.

When you are battling depression, you have like a voice inside, belittling you.

I talked about this in the previous post, “A Lone Wolf’s Lament” (yeah I’m a bit of a drama queen). Click below to head over there if you like to give it a read.

So the gut thing was chipping away at my confidence thing.

To give you a little picture,

“You’re shit! That’s why he left you!”

“You couldn’t even go for one day without screwing up, could you?”

“You can’t even stand up straight, let alone be it!”

aaaaaaannd a lot more.

But the worst part of all this was,

Staring straight into the gym mirror when all this was…unleashing in my head.

It’s like everything internalizes, you know?

You feel worthless.

You feel inadequate.

You feel like a screw up.

And then you become all that. At least in part.

It even got to a point where I started closing my eyes when lifting.

I couldn’t even bare the sight of myself. So I quit. For about a month. That’s like a year in gym years.

It took me a ton of courage to face my demons and start lifting the iron while making the mirror my bestie rather than a worstie (worst enemy, duh).

So why am I telling you all this?

What do you have to gain from any of this other than feeling sorry for me?

The only rrrrrrreason I got into this much detail was to give you a picture of…

How saying nothing could fuck someone up.

How not dealing with someone could ruin someone for the worst.

How choosing to be push someone away because they are not where you want them to be….is not gonna serve either of you.

I am not gonna just leave you hanging with some ...some feel-good, generic motivational crap here.

Instead, I'm gonna give it to you straight.

1. Talk the Talk

Don't leave your clients hanging.

Even if you're swamped, a quick message acknowledging their progress, challenges, or even just saying "Hey man! Looking big today!" can make a world of difference.

Remember, they're investing in You – not just your expertise.

2. Ghosting is a No-Go

We all have bad days or moments when we’re overwhelmed.

But ghosting your studs is never the answer.

It's unprofessional and can leave lasting emotional scars like we just learned.

If you need to take a step back, communicate that clearly and set expectations.

Don’t worry about them not getting you.

Cuz they will.

3. Party Till Dawn (Okay maybe not..)

Don't focus solely on the end goal.

Acknowledge their progress, no matter how small.

I’m talking cheating together (meals…), an occasional cookie, a gym day out or even a Netflix binge if time allows.

Celebrate their wins, big, small and ugly.

This builds their confidence and more importantly, their day.

4. Empathy is Everything

Put yourself in your clients' shoes.

Understand their struggles, fears, and insecurities.

Remember, they're not just numbers on a spreadsheet, they're real people with real emotions.

Show them you care.

Talk to them about your problems, their problems.

You don’t even have to give advice…just hear ‘em out. That does it.

5. Tough Love, Done Right

Sometimes, a little tough love is necessary to push clients out of their comfort zones.

But there's a fine line between motivating and discouraging.

Be firm, but also be supportive.

There is nothing wrong with having a tender side if you’re a drill sarge.

6. Utter the N-Word

Not what you think.

You're not obligated to take on every client or cater to every demand.

Setting boundaries is crucial for your own sanity and the success of your business.

Don't be afraid to say "No" when necessary.

and lastly,

7. You’re not an alien.

You're not perfect. Who cares? It’s okay.

It's okay to make mistakes, to have bad days, to feel overwhelmed.

Don't be afraid to show your clients your human side.

It will only make them trust and connect with you more.

Spoken from experience.

Remember, as coaches, you hold a helluva lot of power.

You can make or break someone's journey.

Promise me to that power for good.

I mean it. Doesn’t matter if you’re not a coach.

Comment “I won’t break someones journey”.

I’m serious.