The Strength in Surrender
Lessons from an Empty apartment
"Well, maybe that's my decision.
Maybe I don't need your money.
Wait, wait, I said 'maybe.'"
- Rachel Green, Friends
Truer words were never spoken, right?
Sometimes life throws us a curveball, and we're left scrambling to pick up the pieces.
We cling to what's familiar, even when it's not necessarily what's best for us.
But as Rachel so eloquently put it, maybe we don't need those things. Maybe we're stronger than we think.
Right now, I'm sitting in my empty apartment, staring out at the blocked out view of my street for the last time.
This place, along with my gym around the corner, has been my sanctuary for nearly a year.
My apartment witnessed my triumphs, my heartaches, and everything in between.
I started Syrax, my first and hopefully not my last, business on the floor of my living room in this very place. (Yes, there’s a photo at the end for you to laugh about.)
But the gym... that was my iron temple.
It was the one place where I could unleash my frustrations, channel my anger into lifting weights, and emerge feeling stronger, both mind and body (more mind if I think about it).
But today, I'm leaving it all behind.
I'm moving back in with my parents, a decision that brings a mix of emotions – relief, anxiety, and a whole lot of uncertainty.
It's a step back in some ways, a surrender to circumstances I can't control.
But it's also a chance for a fresh start, a new chapter in my story.
None of that changes the fact that Letting go is a bitch.
It's like ripping off a band-aid that's been fused to your skin.
It hurts, it stings, and it leaves a raw wound that takes time to heal.
I've had to let go of many things in my life - Dreams that didn't pan out, Relationships that turned toxic.
A master's degree that slipped through my fingers during a time when I was struggling to keep my head above water.
Each loss felt like a piece of me was being chipped away.
But looking back, it was during those times that I felt the most free, the most independent.
The pain of letting go eventually gave way to the lightness of being unburdened.
I know many of you can relate.
Whether it's a job that's sucking your soul dry (been there!), a friendship that's turned sour, or a limiting belief that's holding you back, letting go is a universal struggle.
We cling to what we know, even when it's hurting us, because change is terrifying.
It's easier to stay in our comfort zones, even if they're cramped and suffocating, than to face the unknown.
But,
Letting go isn't about erasing the past or pretending it didn't matter.
It's about acknowledging the pain, the loss, and the lessons learned.
It's about honoring the experiences that shaped us, especially the brutal ones, and then choosing to move forward with a lighter heart and a clearer mind.
If I learned anything from my unkind teacher, Ms. Experience,
It’s a Weakness. NOT.
I've seen firsthand how clinging to the past can create a toxic cycle. I was a victim of that.
Actually, scratch that. I'm responsible for the shit that happened by clinging to my past beliefs.
I used to be a dick at the gym.
I thought just because I showed up and lifted a few heavy weights, I was winning.
Boy, was I wrong.
Showing up is just half the battle.
Showing up despite how I felt, developed discipline.
Showing up every day built consistency.
But they didn't give me the last piece of the puzzle. The one that could have prevented a billion of our past wars.
Humility.
I was pumped up with pre-workout and ego, so much so that I lost sight of what the hell I was doing.
I was more concerned about looking fit than being fit.
I wasn't lifting right, eating right, listening right.
I turned a blind eye towards everything and everyone that could have helped me.
One day, after an hour-long commute and arriving at my 9-to-5 feeling like a zombie, I had had enough.
I couldn't move, barely felt my legs, and was on the verge of losing it.
That's the day I realized my ego was holding me back.
I swallowed my pride, sought guidance from trainers and the lovely lovely guys at the gym waiting to give out everything, and started listening to my body.
I embraced a beginner's mindset, even though I'd been lifting for months (I know, the audacity right?).
And guess what?
That's when the real results started happening.
My workouts felt like heaven, my mindset improved, and the gym became my true safe haven.
The Takeaway?
Letting go of your ego and embracing a beginner's mindset isn't a weakness – it's your f*cking superpower.
It's about recognizing that you don't have all the answers (newsflash: nobody does!), being open to learning and growth, and valuing progress over perfection.
So by God, just ditch the E-word. It’s literally no good.
So yeah, letting go is tough.
It's messy, it's emotional, and it's fucking scary. But it's also necessary.
It's the only way to shed the dead weight of the past and create space for the incredible things that are waiting for you on the other side.
So take a deep breath, my Queens and embrace the unknown.
Let go of what's holding you back, and whatever the hell you do,
Don't you dare give up on yourself.
Because the most beautiful transformations often happen when we have the courage to release what's no longer serving us.
And remember, you're not alone in this. You never are.
We're all a bunch of badass wolves, figuring it out one howl at a time.
Now I gotta go catch my flight. Wanted to get a quick one in before I did.
Oh and if anyone hasn’t told you today,
I Frickin’ Love You. Especially, the flawed and fucked up parts of You.
Until next time,
Your Lone Wolf Cheerleader,
Thanks for choosing to spend your time reading the Syrax Squad Mail. I value it more than most.
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Imma man of my word. So, here’s your laugh.
